Some More Thoughts on Forgiveness

The Ghandi quote in yesterday’s post attracted a lot of comments that give food for thought and which I thought merited further exploration of the idea.

The quote is explaining that it takes a great deal of strength and courage to ‘forgive’ someone and move on. It is human nature to fight back and try and get justice or revenge, but this ultimately leads to the victim being hurt even more. The act of forgiving is firstly a gift and a healing process for the person who does the forgiving.

Some definitions of forgiveness:

• To grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve
• To give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.)
• To cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
• To pardon an offense or an offender.
• A decision to release yourself from anger, resentment, hate, or the urge for revenge despite the injury you suffered.
• Moving beyond bitterness.
  

The act of forgiveness is explored on the ‘Garden of Forgiveness’ website. I quote from this document entitled ‘Forgiveness: A Sampling of Research Results’

Forgiveness – Definitions and Effect

Religious scholars of many faiths, philosophers, and more recently, psychologists, have grappled with the notion of forgiveness and have sought to delineate its boundaries.

Defining Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process (or the result of a process) that involves a change in emotion and attitude regarding an offender. Most scholars view this as an intentional and voluntary process, driven by a deliberate decision to forgive. This process results in decreased motivation to retaliate or maintain estrangement from an offender despite their actions, and requires letting go of negative emotions toward the offender. Theorists differ in the extent to which they believe forgiveness also implies replacing the negative emotions with positive attitudes including compassion and benevolence. In any event, forgiveness occurs with the victim’s full recognition that he or she deserved better treatment, one reason why Mahatma Ghandi contended that “the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”

The document goes on to explain the benefits of forgiveness. The ones listed are relevant to the comments on my previous post:

• Aids psychological healing through positive changes in affect
  
• Improves physical and mental health
• Restores a victim’s sense of personal power
  

These words from the ‘Daily Trust’ explain that first and foremost the gift of forgiving is a gift to yourself:

There is always another way of looking at something. Most hypotheses on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness to the person who has wronged you, not to forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn’t do to you) and expecting something negative to happen to them.

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do for someone. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: “Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?” If the answer is “No,” then that’s it! All is forgiven.

Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence upon which you can survive on and grow from it.

To sum up it takes a great deal of courage to forgive someone and move on, not everyone is able to do this. But if they can, they will emerge as stronger, wiser individuals who are comfortable with themselves and the world around them.

...I would just like to remind everyone that my weekly quotes are being taken in alphabetical order from my webpage and if it sometimes seems that I am commenting on any current situation/s, it is totally coincidental...